1. Thou shalt have no other garden before you your own for yours is the one true garden.
2. Thou shalt not covet your neighbor’s (fill in the blank) for verily it’s the only decent thing they grow.
3. Thou shalt not ever disclose what you paid for a magnificent, rare specimen; price matters not in our eyes.
4. Thou shalt honor thy shrubs and allow no poodle pruning upon them.
5. Thou shalt not be concerned about non-grass components of your lawn as they add richness, texture, and diversity to the otherwise dull.
6. Thou shalt minimize lawn area as grass is an affront to our sensibilities and it provideth no food or flowers.
7. Thou shalt listen to the euonymus and always keep the weekend sacred for gardening.
8. Thou shalt consult the prophet Dirr whenever contemplating a new tree or shrub or you will suffer the presence of a mistake unto the fourth generation and beyond.
9. Thou shalt plant no solitary perennials as onesies are an abomination.
10. Thou shalt not admire your garden bereft of cocktail or wine as this is a proper offering to the gardener.Should you have other, or better, commandments from on high, then verily part the waters and comment until content. These have yet to be chiseled into stone.