Academic prestige in jeopardy

Circumstances well beyond the control of the Phactor have placed the academic prestige of our institution in jeopardy.  Yes, we have suffered fiscal cuts at so many levels, and at a certain level, the academic prestige of the entire USA's higher education system is in jeopardy.  You cannot withdraw support from higher education for three decades and it not have some negative impact.  Yes, yes, fiscal matters are important, but what looms larger, a matter of much greater significance, is that our institution has no ice cream available in the student union!  Sorry, but no institution of higher learning without ice cream amounts to a damn thing.  Naturally the Phactor brought this matter to the attention of our President who opined that Ben & Jerry's would be just the thing.  Now if some significant action isn't taken, then he's become part of the problem rather than being part of the solution.  A previous attempt to placate the Phactor involved a substance called "frozen yogurt", and having sampled it, pronounced it non-ice cream.  As predicted not enough of this substance was sold to make the enterprise successful, and the people of little imagination who manage our student center have determined that such tenants are not viable.  Another way of looking at this is that they charge too bloody much rent for a small business whose customers inexplicably disappear at the end of every semester.  So now just before new students and family show up for orientation, there is no ice cream and what are they to think?  What kind of institution have we selected?  If your are a trustee of an institution of higher education, ask yourself, "Do you know whether there is ice cream in the student center?"  Well?  Do your job.  Do something important.  Get Ben.  Get Jerry.  Get Berry Garcia.