Templeton grant to answer timeless question

The C (ronk) HE is a favorite news organization for what's happening now in higher education.  This news source recently announced that a recipient of a Templeton grant would attempt to answer the timeless question, "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood."  This would be really funny if it weren't so close to the truth, which is what makes it so funny.  Oh? Oh!  Templeton here we come!