Field of Science

Bacon improves everything, but not this time

The Phactor was doing some cooking today, a succotash salad for our monthly dinner group, a regular happening now for the past 32 years and counting. Seems like a nice recipe; basically succotash brightened up with lots of basil and arugula. But the recipe called for crispy bits of turkey bacon for a garnish. Now the reason for this is simple; many of our dinner group friends are of the Jewish faith. In fact at this particular gathering, it would appear the Phactor is the token gentile. Fair enough. No problem, after all hotdogs are made from lots of animals and their parts, and they all taste about the same, sort of a mediocre non-descriptness. Let's face it real sausage wins out everytime. But the reality of turkey bacon was much worse. Yikes! Beggin' Strips dog treats look better and more like real bacon than turkey bacon. OK, don't leap to premature judgements, so let's cook some, make a BLT for lunch and see what we think, but to judge things fairly, let's put real bacon on one half and turkey bacon on the other. There was no contest. Turkey bacon is as if a turkey went to a Halloween party in a soybean bacon bits costume! Now this brings up a metaphysical question. Remember the Parkay margarine-Mother Nature commercials? It's not nice to fool Mother Nature. So what does Yahweh think of phoney turkey bacon? He is after all a rather vengeful diety, so maybe it's not nice to fool him! Ah, now the Phactor gets it! The dodge aound the pork taboo is it's own punishment! That's just so Jewish.

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