Mammal prognostication gives me paws

Ground hog day is a very funny movie, but in general mammal weather prognosticators do little more to inspire confidence than wooly worms or farmers' almanacs. Which is to say they don't know squat.

First of all what self-respecting mammal comes out of hibernation in early February? That would only happen in places where it doesn't matter whether winter lasts another month and a half or not. Ground hogs certainly don't make February appearances in Minnesota or Maine, and who cares about winter at all in southern Georgia?

As I listened to the radio report from Pennsylvania, it occurred to me that the continuation of winter had nothing whatever to do with shadow-seeing rodents. What makes anyone think a ground hog is afraid of his own shadow? Now maybe the shadow of a golden eagle sweeping by would frighten a golden marmot back into their burrow, but they live so far up in the mountains that early summer has already come to the flat lands. Pity that our local birds of prey are not mighty enough to cast fear into the hearts of ground hogs. It would be quite pleasing if the natural order of things included a predator capable of removing, one by one, the serial occupants of the burrow under my garden shed.

Clearly the answer is not associated with such garden destroying chow hounds.

There on the counter in front of me was the real reason for the continuation of winter. That roll of paper towels is decorated with snow flakes and snowmen, and winter isn't going to end until that great big roll is used up and replaced with towels decorated with little flowers. I am certain that is true. Hear me now and believe me later, the last paper towel will be torn off that roll and just like that the witch hazels will flower. Of course, they don't always wait for the end of winter either.